Rachel's La-La Land (:

Is it alright to say what I feel and stop pretending? Is it alright if I stop hiding and lying through my teeth? Is it alright if I just be me?

I want to be truthful, but I'm always so afraid of the consequences, of what others will say. But then again, at times my thoughts just hold me back, they just eat me up. I hate my thoughts, but sometimes I just get the feeling that what I think is correct, that the truth is not too far from what I think, that maybe I am nothing short of a nuisance.

Maybe I should disconnect myself? Maybe I should pull away, before it's too late? Maybe I should stop my wishful thinking and just leave?

I hate my thoughts, because at times I'd much rather die than have to think again...

It's not that I want to be sad, it's not that I want to be down, because honestly, who wants to be upset? I try again and again to be happy and cheerful but reality always sets in and I'm left the loser with the stupid fake grin on her face.

I'm sick of it.

Sometimes I just wish that I could blow my brains out so that I can hear nothing but sweet, pure silence again...

Knowing me I'll just shift this post else where later since I'm nothing but a coward, afraid to let people see what I really think...

I wish someone would just tell me that it's alright to be me, that it will be alright if I stayed...