Rachel's La-La Land (:

I feel so lost and despised, like how I felt in secondary school. I feel like my insecurities are never going to end. I can't seem to stop being on my toes, afraid that I'll screw up and lose everything that I've worked so hard to gain, that I finally have, and most of all, I'm afraid that I'll lose the happiness that I've finally found.

It's like a roller coaster, one that never seems to end, where Secondary school was the middle of the big upside down loop and the beginning of Poly was the end of it. It felt like finally, I can remove that bar on my lap and get off that scary ride, but now, I feel like I'm being forcibly shoved back onto it to once again and suffer the dizziness and aches of that stupid curse forsaken ride that's such a nightmare!

I can't help it, I can't stop thinking about the past, where true smiles were rare and tears seemed to never stop spilling, where the horror never stopped, where the loneliness never ceased and where the nightmares just kept giving.

I want to run away. I want to stop this stupid tirade and end it all! I want out! I'm sick of these emotions and I don't want to put up with them anymore! Screw it all, screw everything! Just leave me to cry in my dusty old corner like how they all used to do whilst laughing at my pathetic state of mind! At the ugliness of my life!

I hate them! I hate them for what they've done to me! I hate them for leaving me so shaken and broken that I can't get up and fight anymore! I hate them! I hate them! I hate them!